There is nothing quite like a worldwide pandemic to make you feel the weight of your inconsistencies, failures inadequacies. I don’t know about you, but they seem to stare me in the face some days, maybe most days and it can get heavy, really heavy. The weight of the world is heavy right now. Everything seems heavy and overwhelming. If this makes sense, my very being seems heavy. Some days I feel I don’t recognize myself and the representation of who I am just is heavy to carry.
I have been reminded recently of WHO or maybe better, WHOSE I am. Some days I forget who I am. Some days I lose myself and I doubt myself. I doubt that I can change. Some days anger takes over and I don’t recognize the positive parts of myself because it is easy to focus on the negative in myself which seems to be what represents more than the positive. Anger seems to be my go-to emotion, although I am realizing, what comes out as anger, may be just a reflection of deeper emotions that haven’t made their way to the surface yet. However, anger still takes over some days and as much as I am trying to learn and understand and change this negative stain in my being, most days I just feel stuck; asking myself, will I ever change, will I ever rise above this, will this ALWAYS be a struggle? It may be. We are all human and we carry human things in us.
“Come now, let us reason together, says the LORD: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool.” Isaiah 1:18
I don’t often have time to delve in to scripture, but yesterday I was reminded through song of Who I am and although the negative surrounds me some days, the negative of life around me, the negative world and the negative parts of myself, but that is not the end of the story. There is redemption, there is grace, God continues writing my story, ALL the parts of it because ALL parts can be redeemed.
So, I am not perfect and I am very aware of that, but I know that grace knows my name and I am trying to LIVE and rise in that.
Yesterday, I realized I needed some music to help me realize who I am. I started with the first and then the rest just kept coming one after another. Maybe today you need to be reminded of who you are, WHOSE you are and that your story is still being written.