I have thought for quite a while about this blog and each time I sit down to write it, I forget what I want to say. I knew once I remembered the title I had in my head for this blog, that I would remember what I wanted to say. Well, this morning is the day that I remembered the title, but I really don’t know how this is going to come together cohesively, maybe it won’t, but realize that this is kind of where my heart is when I think of where I am and where I have been. As you have probably heard me say, or maybe heard others say about missions,
There’s no way you can be in a country other than your own for any extended period of time and not come back a different person, looking at life differently.
Friends, that is where I am. If you looked at me from the outside, you would probably view a very normal American, working in the medical field, helping raise a kiddo and trying to serve Christ in what I do. However, if you were able to see into my head ( a scary place most of the time 🙂 ), you would see that I view things much differently from others who are similar to myself. Sometimes it is easy to be jaded in this field and I have been guilty of it in the past, but I come back from being away and just view things much differently. Maybe it is that God changed me in this area because I struggled so much before I left with not wanting to be jaded, but being that way anyway. But now, I feel differently when I take care of patients and I feel like I have a joy in it that I didn’t have before. Praise be to God!
Meeting new people is different, especially in my field of work because it changes once they find out I have been out of the country for 2 1/2 years. I think I have actually had some who are skeptical, wondering if I was really doing missions or was I there for rehab or trying to fly under the radar…for the majority, it is just something they don’t understand and I suppose expecting people to IS a high expectation. It’s nothing against these people, but when you haven’t experienced it or seen it or even had a different country other than you own on your radar, I can’t expect that people would.
It’s hard to believe that in October, we were still in Ecuador. That was just 4 months ago, but I feel so far away from there. Maybe that is why I have held off so long in writing this because it really hurts my heart when I think of not being in Ecuador. We really do live in two worlds and although we love both, it seems like not being in the country where we have been called just isn’t home. Imagine feeling homesick and that is how we feel (maybe a little more), the type that makes your heart hurt. Don’t get me wrong, we know we are here for a reason right now, getting experience working, visiting churches, being with family, meeting new people, it’s great and we love it, but we still miss Ecuador. When we see how things are coming together for future plans, that makes us want to get there more!
So, I feel like I am living in 2 worlds, which are WORLDS APART.
It’s a strange place to be and hard to understand and hard to explain. I suppose there are not a whole lot of people that understand, and I don’t expect them too. I suppose it gives our prayers warriors out there another area to bathe us in prayer about. It’s not easy, for sure, but we knew it wouldn’t be and we’re OK with that.
So, enjoy some pictures of our sweet Ecuador which we love and miss!
You may be wondering where the title of this came from, Worlds Apart. It is actually one of my favorite songs of all time, done many years ago by the band Jars of Clay. What does it have to do with Ecuador? Well, not much (that’s why I feel this is a bit scattered in my mind), but I feel this song encompassed and encompasses my life and my spiritual journey. I don’t want to forget what my life has cost and how Christ gave his life for me. In this lenten season, I don’t want to forget that and I want to focus on that as I remember Christ’s journey to the cross.
Remember with me as you read these lyrics…
“Worlds Apart”
I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all ends up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
to give and die
To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tears
Of a world embracing every heartache
Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow
To love you – take my world apart
To need you – I am on my knees
To love you – take my world apart
To need you – broken on my knees
All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me
Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart
[Additional lyrics:]
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can’t deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart
The Santiago Partnership