*** For those who want to read a quick overview of the last couple of weeks, that is the first paragraph. Read further for all the rest of the processing and debriefing and answers to prayer!
It has been a whirlwind of a couple weeks so say the least. Just a couple of weeks ago, I took a day off from being with an amazing team here in Ecuador to get what I thought was a wart removed from my upper lip area. The following week I was told it was cancer. A wart-like cancer tumor had grown in less than a month. The first doctor wanted to take out a whole portion of my lip to make sure all the cancer was taken care of. Although I appreciate the 100% certainty of it being gone, taking out a portion of my lip would put a damper on my quality of life, not to mention my work in seeing and taking care of patients as a Nurse Practitioner. So, we got a second opinion (all of this happened in less than 24 hours by the way). I got the second opinion, and she took the time to explain everything to us in detail and what our options were. Her recommendation was a MOHS procedure which is quite common in the skin cancer world. However, I was worried because although I was in the early stages, obviously the specific tumor was aggressive to develop in less than a month. So the surgery was scheduled for Monday. As you may recall, I asked boldly for prayer that NO cancer cells would be found on the first pass of the procedure. This is EXACTLY what happened. It only took 20 minutes to take the first layer of skin and about an hour for the pathologist to determine any problems, but about halfway through they said there were some areas on the edges that they needed to evaluate. After 15 minutes the doctor came in with thumbs up saying “no hay nada,” there is nothing! I piece of skin was then taken from my bicep to use for the reconstruction on my face. I currently have a gauze sutured over the area of reconstruction. I go tomorrow back to the doctor to check on all of that area and to get the gauze removed. I have still been in a lot of pain, but probably because I tried to talk too much yesterday (a force of habit).
I am trying to organize my thoughts and wrap my head around the things that have happened this week. It is a big jump to go from “having cancer” to “no hay nada” or “there is nothing” from the doctor. It’s a lovely jump, I am grateful, I am beyond grateful. I’m also tired and weary. Sometimes the pain is a lot. It is all a lot to wrap my head around. That is just an honest response I suppose. But I truly don’t want all the feelings and emotions to overshadow what has actually happened this week. I went from having cancer to not having cancer. Yes, those are heavy words to write, but the burden of carrying that was heavy too. The greatest thing I believe that happened this week was that I did not carry this burden alone. A lot of times we do that, right? We want to be tough, to feel we need to prove that we can do it on our own. We were never meant to carry burdens on our own. That was one of the biggest lessons I learned this week. Sharing the load, allowing others to carry and shoulder the burdens WITH me. There were literally people around the world praying for me this week. Those prayers were so felt while I was in the procedure room. The one thing I wanted to prepare (probably was because it was something I could actually control) was to have a playlist of worship music that I could listen to, which is funny because I had no idea how to actually make that happen and it took 3 people to help me-thank you, you know who you are! As soon as the music was in my ears and in my head there was peace, the unspeakable peace, the one that transcends or exceeds understanding, one translation says “His peace that keeps your thoughts and your hearts quiet and at rest as you trust in Christ Jesus.” (The Living Bible)
It only took about 15-20 minutes for the 1st part of the procedure. After that, Joel was able to be with me. We talked a bit and then listening to worship music until the doctor came in and said that the pathologist found some suspicious areas that need some more time (that had already been about 45 minutes) that we were waiting. The anesthesia was starting to wear off which was something I was really scared about. I knew it would be painful, but I was expecting the amount that was coming. She came back 15 minutes later and gave us a thumbs up that everything was fine, she later said, “no hay nada” meaning there was nothing. That whole 1st layer they took off showed NO CANCER CELLS at all! She then said it was time to work on the reconstruction of my face. This was something unexpected for me. I didn’t realize this is something that would happen the same day. The main thing was knowing more anesthesia would need to be injected in to the area that was already becoming super painful. At the moment where it was becoming super painful is when I was listening to the song In the Room
At the very time, God just gave me such amazing peace that He was in the room with me, like palpable, tangibly with me! Even in the midst of the pain and fear, He was there! I knew it was going to be OK, I knew I was going to be OK!
I don’t know what Jesus did, I don’t know how or why, but I know, the exact thing I prayed for and asked you all the pray for is exactly what happened! That is what I know! I don’t know how, I can’t wrap my brain around it all, the whys, the grace, the questions, but that is what I know. God was in the the room, God was and is me and He is good. And even if the outcome had been different, God STILL would have been there then and now and He would still be good.
I don’t know what you are facing, but here are some of the the verses that I received during this time and things people were praying over me. I also have included the link to the amazing playlist that I listened to while in surgery. Maybe it will usher you in to the presence of Jesus as it did me.
John 14:27
“I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart! And the peace I give isn’t fragile like the peace the world gives. So don’t be troubled or afraid.[a
Matthew 11:28-30
(THE MESSAG) Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”
(NIV) “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Nahum 1:7 NLT
The Lord is good,
a strong refuge when trouble comes.
He is close to those who trust in him.
The Santiago Partnership