Called Deeper

Maybe it’s just me, but sometimes I unconsciously think that I’ve kind of paid my dues.  I tell myself, “I’m a missionary ya know?”  I have sacrificed, my family has sacrificed.  We live in a foreign land, we struggle in different areas, we miss family weddings and funerals and have to figure out creative ways to support family and friends from a distance.  I have said YES to the call God has placed on my life to GO!  I am here.  Some days I feel myself leaning towards saying to God “what else do you want?”  “Haven’t I given ENOUGH?!”  GEESH!  I am not saying this is what I SHOULD say, but, let’s be honest, I’m human, to the core!  I’m just giving you a glimpse in to how that looks some days.

This whole last week, we had a dental team.   There were some difficulties for sure and at the end of the days, I was so tired and exhausted (as well as the rest of the team).  I typically rode back to Cayambe with one of my friends and fellow missionaries, Annalea Egging.  Each day, she had the same playlist in her car and each day, no matter how long or how short of time we were in the car, the same song continued to play each day.  The main thing I liked about the song is that it helped me relax.  After feeling stresses of the day, I would just sit back and listen and talk some and just be.  However, it wasn’t until THIS week, when we were back home in Quito, going through our daily tasks, for me, I was washing the dishes and wondering about this song.  So, I listened to it again and again.  The main themes I pulled from this song,

And I could hold on
I could hold on to who I am and never let You
Change me from the inside

AND

But You have called me higher
You have called me deeper
And I’ll go where You will lead me Lord
You have called me higher
You have called me deeper
And I’ll go where You lead me Lord
Where You lead me
Where You lead me Lord

I really felt like God spoke to me through this song.  It doesn’t matter what I have sacrificed to be where I am, God is calling me to go DEEPER with Him.  He wants more and although I may not like that always, that is what He wants.  He wants more OF me and more FROM me!  He isn’t satisfied with mediocre and I shouldn’t be either.  It doesn’t matter that I’m tired and that I’ve sacrificed.  Jesus did too!  He understands that, but calls me to more!

Here are some of the verses that this song is based around.  It was interesting to me when I read this that the 2nd verse, from Isaiah 6 is the passage that God called me with to full time missionary service.  It holds a special place in my heart and again, God is using it to mold me and direct my life.

Psalm 119:105: “Your word is a lamp to my feet And a light to my path.”

Isaiah 6:8: “Then I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us? Then I said ‘Here am I. Send me!'”

Hebrews 11:8: “By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to the place which he would receive as an inheritance. And he went out, not knowing where he was going.”

In what ways, like Abraham am I heading out, not knowing where I’m going?  How am I going deeper and higher and allowing Him to change me from the inside?  Well, some days, if I’m honest, I’m not!   I really don’t bring a whole lot, if anything to the table between God and I.  The great thing is He doesn’t ask me to.  He asks me to have the faith to trust that HE has it all under control, not ME!  I’m nothing, but if I come, come to HIm and allow HIM to change me and guide me and call me, we together can go deeper!  I pray that for all of you today!