Sometimes I Want to be Someone Else

5 comments Written on November 30th, 2015     
Filed under: Testimonies and Stories
chic2Cathy Kaminski is lead pastor of Trinity Community Church in Cincinnati, OH. She is 31, single and often exclaims, “I’m getting older as fast as I can.” But Jesus has called her to this season and this stage of life. She is trying to remember that and celebrate daily.

I feel like God has given me great grace and compassion for others. It is what allows me to enter the stories of people in my ministry context and love them well. However, I am often hit with the stark truth that I do not have much grace or compassion for myself. I know I am not alone in this reality. There seems to be a disconnect for many of us. We know this is an area of growth, but somehow the weight of expectation and standards seems too much to shake.

One way this manifests itself in my life is through comparison. If only I was older I could do this more effectively…. If only I was married I could connect with this person…. If I were a parent…. If I were male. It’s not that I have rose colored glasses on and assume in all these areas my life and ministry would be better. But there is truth behind the fact that ministry is different in each stage of life.

But it hit me, this season of my life has benefits too. Yes, if I were a middle aged male pastor I would be able to connect to some people more easily. But this stage of life, my gender, my age, my marital status, all allow me to minister in a unique and profound way. I could always compare myself to others or I can choose to celebrate who God has made me to be in this moment!

Ella and Averie (1)Recently I had been playing the comparison and grace game and not winning. Then something beautiful happened. A friend in my church turned five years old. I wanted to stop at her house and drop off a flower to say happy birthday. I ended up staying for over two hours playing with her and her seven year old sister. At one point my friend turned to me and asked, “Are you a mommy?” I answered, “No, I’m not.” She thought about that for a moment and responded, “Just a pastor then?”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “Yeah, just a pastor.” A pastor who gets to connect and love many children. A pastor who has the flexibility to let a five minute errand turn into a two hour rich experience. A pastor who is approachable enough for children to do her hair, run around the yard with and play games.

There are times that I want to be someone else. And in those moments I do not have much grace. But then there are times when I recognize the gift of my presence. The blessing of who God created me to be in this exact moment. I was able to build up my five year old friend and show her love because I am a single, young, female pastor.

It’s not about grace or compassion. It’s about thankfulness. Am I thankful for who God has created me to be? Am I thankful for the blessings that come with this season? Can I learn to be? And when I’m learning, grace and compassion follow.


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5 comments “Sometimes I Want to be Someone Else”

And what a wonderful model of pastor for these two, and those to whom they speak, and the parents who witnesses it and those to whom they will speak. For such a time as this God gave the gift of you to all of these. 

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Cathy – Thanks for sharing on a common struggle. We all need to be reminded of the gift we are in our times of reflecting on what we are not. May our lives begin to embody our acceptance and allow us to offer ourselves fully to others. 

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If she had a calling from God, she would repent and step down as pastor, for her disobedience to God’s Word. Christ is actually calling her to repentance, and to pray for a godly man to assume the role of pastor. 

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Matthew — I can appreciate that some of the followers of Jesus are not in agreement with the concept that the Holy Spirit doesn’t take gender into account when He distributes gifts to the church. This blog has a purpose of giving a voice to women, whose voice has often been marginalized. We believe that just as Jesus asked Mary Magdalene to give a message to the disciples, he still calls women to speak.  I’m sorry that you’ve chosen to cling to a couple of verses from Paul as God’s final word on this. I’m sure there are other blogs where you can voice your disapproval, but this is not the place for you to pronounce your judgments.  thanks for understanding and accepting that.  I felt as Chair of the sponsoring commission for this blog, it was important to respond to your post. 

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My friend Cathy! Thank you for this! Such a good reminder for me as I try to work out my call and fight feelings of inadequacy. I am thankful for you.

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