Kitchen Conundrum

Karen Hinz is solo pastor of Mission Covenant Church in Ishpeming, Michigan. She loves to travel when time and money allow. Raising teenagers is her current joy and challenge!

I know this column is a place for serious discussion of issues facing women in ministry. And I’m usually pretty serious, but sometimes, we’ve just got to laugh. So today, don’t take life too seriously. Allow yourself a chuckle. It’s good for the body and the soul.

When I was a child, the church kitchen was run by Mrs. Bance, who had white hair, and Mrs. Bice, who had slightly blue white hair. Noisy kids were not welcome. Many years later, when I started as a solo pastor, I wondered what my relationship to the church kitchen ought to be. This was not covered in seminary. Was I welcome in the kitchen? Banned? Expected to share the load the same as the other women in the church? When “fellowship hosting sheets” came around, was I supposed to sign up?

The church kitchen is usually the domain of a few specific women, but also a place of expectations for all church women. In many churches today, males of any sort – and particularly male pastors – are not still not allowed near these stainless steel temples. Or at least not expected to take their turns. In fact, in these places, kitchen ladies will come to church any time of day to make coffee for the pastor, or for any gathering the pastor may be hosting. So I found myself puzzled as to what to do. For two years, I purposely did not learn how to operate the church coffeepots, because it seemed like trying to take over the kitchen ladies’ turf. But this also raised the familiar question: does a clergy woman need to act like a man to be respected as pastor? It’s a Catch-22. The last couple of years, I have been making coffee when needed. And no one seems to mind.

Beyond coffee, what about potlucks? Are female clergy expected to contribute? Are male clergy? (I almost always bring food for potlucks.) And how about bake sales? (I don’t contribute goods, but I’m present as a greeter. I’m not protesting, I just can’t bake.) My husband threw the stalwart group of bakers at our church for a loop by showing up with some delicious German pastries he had made. Question: Is a clergy woman with a husband who bakes like a clergy man with a wife who plays the piano? This raises a gender issue that we don’t talk about enough: what roles do churches traditionally expect of pastors’ wives, and are these expectations fair? And what is expected of pastors’ husbands? Honestly, most churches have no idea what to do with these guys!

I’m sure I’m overthinking this and that there are those reading who say: “forget other people’s expectations and just do what you feel comfortable with.” Well, yes. And no. Because clergy roles – and clergy spouse roles – are complex, whether we want them to be or not. We participate, but no one sees us as the same as everyone else. Expectations are different. The solution isn’t simple. I know that part of our calling is to give others space to shine. I know that we are not good at everything and should not pretend to be. And I know that women who are also clergy sometimes find their various roles in tension.

So what do we do with the church kitchen? Clergy, spouse, or layperson, we need to allow ourselves to do what fits with who we really are. To get involved or to stay out of the way. Either is fine. As the Body of Christ, let’s keep expanding the definition of what it means to serve in the house of the Lord. Let’s give thanks for church kitchen ladies, but also allow there to be kitchen guys. Let’s give thanks for the church janitor ladies, and teacher ladies, and usher ladies, and clergy ladies. And for the men who take these roles, too. One body, many members, right? (And by the way, noisy kids can dry dishes, too!)