*Disclosure – a post where Katie gets honest

The days seem to run together. I have to really think hard to remember what day it is, what month it is. Due to the fact that we have been in a mandated quarantine since the end of March, June doesn’t feel much different than April. The fact that we are just a week away from July is mind-blowing to me. And the fact that July will probably look a lot like our June is something I’m still processing. Today our boys will start a one week school break and since leaving the house isn’t an option the questions they have been asking are, “What are we going to do?” “How will this break actually feel like a break, other than we don’t have to sign-in to do our school work?” “What will we do with ourselves all day?” Yes, we will read, we will use our creativity and do art projects, we will play board games and make cookies. But these are all things we have been doing for the past 4 months as going out simply isn’t an option. Right now as adults we are able to get out for exercise for a few hours in the morning, and we have a 3 days a week that we are assigned to be able to go out and get groceries, etc. Children are still only allowed 3 hours/week to go outside of their homes, and they have to stay within 1km of their home. Still, we soak up these hours during the week when we are able to go out for a walk together.

A cool animal flip book Sam made for art class

By just flipping one of the sections you create new animals 🙂

This is the reality and I must admit some days I handle it better than others. God has been so good to us in this time and we recognize God’s provision and care. Still, the waiting for when the restrictions will let up a bit, when we’ll be able to go for a drive as a family or go to a park, when there will be a vaccine, or when we ill be able to travel again, is at times overwhelming. I have been longing to be by water, to sit by a lake, walk around a lake, take a canoe on a lake. It’s like the Psalm 42:1 where the deer pants for streams of water. As I thirst for proximity to water, I thirst for God. I want to be by water as it is often a place I meet God. I wait for the day I can be by water again. I have been spending a lot of time reflecting on the invitation to wait that I have found in Scriptures and that I have felt God whispering to me in my quiet times. I have learned that one of the words used for “waiting” in Hebrew is Qavah. Psalm 27:14 says “Wait (QAVAH) for the Lord, be strong and take heart and wait (QAVAH) for the Lord.”

And while the word means to expect, wait, hope, anticipate, it also means tension and a tightly twisted rope/cord. In the waiting there is tension. In the waiting it feels many days as if I’m being stretched beyond capacity. There is twisting. It implies time and it is unhurried. Waiting in these days has often felt like twisting and stretching. But as the original meaning implies, it is the twisting and weaving of strands that makes a strong, tight cord. I was encouraged by my pastor in Chicago to think of it as when I wait on God, God is winding around me, as I wind myself tightly around God. Waiting is not wasting. Waiting is transformative. It is not easy. But, I am reminded that it is knowing that even when all seems unknown and chaotic – God is trustworthy and faithful and I can wait trusting that God is in control. I hope not in my circumstances, but in Jesus. It is the confidence that just as the sun rises and night fades, so God is present and faithful and will respond.

“I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope. I wait for the Lord more than the watchmen wait for the morning, more than the watchmen wait for the morning.” Psalm 130:5-6

And so we find ways to be present in the waiting. The other day it was taking a walk up the mountain with a neighbor while maintaining social distancing and getting to enjoy a different view, marveling at God’s creation. It has been through conversations with friends on the phone, a virtual picnic to help friends celebrate their anniversary, throwing the football with the boys in the parking lot, listening to the birds as we sit and have lunch on our porch, donating food and clothes to families who are in need, participating in webinars and leading online classes and conversations, buying fresh flowers, cooking new recipes, setting up a tent and camping in the garage, praying for friends and family around the world.

A new path to explore on my walk

A castle Ben designed and built

I am ready for a change. I feel the strain on my children as they aren’t able to see friends,  to get in the car to go anywhere, to walk to a store to buy a snack, as all their days run together too. The tension is real. The longing for change is real. I don’t know when it will come. And that is hard. It is frustrating. It is hard to see how deeply this is affecting people around us, their livelihoods, their families, their income, their ability to provide food for their families. And it is a daily challenge to myself to not give up hope, to continue to wait on God. How is God inviting you to wait? What has waiting looked like for you?

I might not remember what day of the week it is, but I do remember that God is loving and faithful and I hold on to that.

“Israel, put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love and with him is full redemption.” Psalm 130:7