Last night as I lay in bed falling asleep I was jolted by a staggering realization. A week ago Tuesday was the first anniversary of my mother’s death. The fact that I could have gone through that day, and another ten more completely oblivious is a deeply troubling fact, one with which I have absolutely no idea how to deal. Am I really that callous, jaded and uncaring? Or am I simply self absorbed? Or worse yet, am I already experiencing symptoms of the illness the took my father’s life? I don’t know… I simply don’t have an answer. But what makes this failure on my part so troubling is that it is at complete odds with what I am feeling in my heart. I miss my mother very much. I think about her often. Her memory is very dear to me. How could I completely miss the first anniversary of her death? One year is a very short time… certainly too short to forget.
And so I decided to write about my feelings, and to share something very personal. I am uploading the video of the words I shared at my mother’s funeral. I was able to express my feelings in that moment much better than I can now, not to mention a week ago Tuesday.