May

We have been in the states almost one year and as Carl and I begin to think of clearing out of here, the question hits us in the faces, “How did we manage to collect so much junk?!”  (or treasure, depending on the object and person clinging to it).  One of us can’t pass up a yard sale… the other keeps needing “one more packet of taco seasoning”… and if anyone has any excess stuff it seems to manage its way to the Groot’s home…sigh…We think so much is essential.  We like having so much accessible to us.  But really, how many pens does one really need and how many pine cones will remind us of home in Bangkok?  We have two exercise machines that were rescued, fixed and have been put to good use…and many borrowed items to return to owners.  (This is embarrassing to even write….good thing I am not including pictures on this blog…)

This of course, leads me the clutter in my mind and heart,  How do I manage my daily life?  What is the criteria I use in what I take in or how I use my time?  Am I dictated to by my “to do” list or do I let things flow in and out of my life?  Do I let others dump their agendas on me?  How do I distinguish between what I want and think I absolutely “need” and what I truly need?  When do I make a good thing obsessive?   Whew!  Jesus, help me!

June

Now we are back here, having managed  to bring an amazing assortment of goods in tow.  I must admit that when it came to the end of our stay, some stuff got tossed in the bag because I had no desire to sort through it (files), nor the desire to figure out what to do with it (I have a difficult time tossing things) or, I rationalized that it could always be used as a gift .

I look at the stuff that needs to find a place in our Thailand home and I sometimes feel overwhelmed.

September

Lord Jesus, may we hold loosely to our things.  May we see the needs of those around us and give generously.  May we know what it means to be “simply before you” and to “live simply before you”.  Thank you that all things are yours and that you entrust them to us for a moment in time as we live our brief period here on earth. Amen.

May 2012 (20 months from last entry)

I recently was trying to sell ALC purses at Bethany’s school’s garage sale.  Many teachers and families had their earthly goods displayed on tables to sell.  Books written in English are especially sought out as they are a precious and expensive commodity here (despite Kindles on the market).  Bethany bought a 2nd hand shirts for 20 baht (about 66 cents). Everyone was looking for “deals”, which brings me to my next thought about the clutter in my life.

I realize in buying deals that I often buy things that I don’t need and that I wasn’t even looking for but I purchased on the whim of the moment because it was “such a steal”.  Once, I bought 100 handmade little boxes out of mulberry paper because the vendor wanted to go home, dropped the price very low and sold them all to me.  Carl recently came upon them as he was organizing our junk….

Junk takes up space…some junk is pretty and at one time, seemed useful and even essential.  We keep a lot of junk -(I am defining junk as something I own but have not used (and will probably never use) for the last year or two)  I am not sure why it is so difficult to part with it…I often fool myself into thinking that “I might need  it”, but truthfully, we have only so much space to put things and do we really need to keep this piece of “junk”???

My mind hops a lot these days (those of you who know me will probably say it has always been this way), but I jump back again to the clutter in my calendar…the clutter of my schedule and the clutter of my mind and heart when I think of the things I feel my life with.  I would never classify them as “junk” but I do think that I might have to be brutal with myself in order to let go of those things that I feel pressed to do or spend time on.

Heavenly Father…why is it so easy for me to fill my calendar and so difficult to sit quietly before you?  How is it that I let my life get maxed out until it is time to take stock of where I am going, what I am doing and who I am serving?  It is more than reading books about margin and solitude…there is “junk” that needs to dealt with so that I have space, not to fill with more junk, but to fill with Your Spirit.  Lord, you know that people and ministry are not junk….but there is a “way of thinking” in me that drives me and keeps me running; that makes me a junkie.   “Just saying no” doesn’t come easy for me.  May I breathe in Your Spirit daily and let You change my heart and mind in Christ Jesus.  May He increase and fill the spaces that are now cluttered by all that I do.  And give me the power to do the “hard thing” as I release those things that you have not called me to.  In Jesus, Amen.