I’m 26 pushing 27, just over three years into my first youth pastorate call, and I’m as insecure as ever about my ministry. I want to share a bit of insecurity that crosses my mind every so often when I’m reflecting on my call to serve students, “Am I working hard enough?”
Networking with other youth workers is important to me as I serve in a rural church. I need to be in touch with other youth workers to feel support and to hear what’s happening to the greater youth ministry. That’s the good part. The tough part is when I gather with other pastors and their phones are “blowing up” with text messages from students, while my phone is on “power safe” mode in my pocket for days before hearing from a student. I often feel like I’m not investing enough in students when my peers seem to be so central to the survival of the teens they serve and I’m “just another respected adult”.
The topic is often a prayer cry, “God, show me your will for my life. If I need to spend more time one on one, then open doors for it. If online resources are ways of connecting, then convict me to log in more often.” The list goes on of ways I am not giving everything to my students. However, my prayers are often answered with a simple gesture from someone that God uses to remind me that I’m a “servant of the Lord” who deflects praise toward His throne instead of seeking personal praise. Now, I know in my heart that these peers of mine are doing everything they can to live out their calling, but leave it to the enemy to try and attack something as special as the support of my fellow youth workers. When I’m honest, I know I’m doing my best with my gifts to serve the Lord. It looks different than other youth pastors, and it doesn’t have to be wrong.
Insecurities were rarely a problem for me before I accepted God’s call to ministry. What was never even on my radar is now one of the biggest attacks to my sanity. I write this to hopefully connect with others who feel flooded at times with the insecurities of doing God’s will. I pray we brothers and sisters in Christ will release those insecurities to our Heavenly Father who is Truth. Then John 8:32 will become more and more real as we are set free from those insecurities.