{"id":2911,"date":"2013-12-20T13:56:33","date_gmt":"2013-12-20T18:56:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blogs.covchurch.org\/wc\/?p=2911"},"modified":"2013-12-20T13:56:33","modified_gmt":"2013-12-20T18:56:33","slug":"i-doubt-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/blogs.covchurch.org\/wc\/2013\/12\/i-doubt-it\/","title":{"rendered":"I Doubt It"},"content":{"rendered":"

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by Michael Hill<\/em><\/p>\n

A FAMILIAR STORY<\/p>\n

It\u2019s Sunday morning, and you\u2019re up before the dawn to prepare your heart to lead God\u2019s people in worship. You make a beeline to the coffee pot, grab your bible and set to your spiritual disciplines: Ordered readings; prayer for your church and ministry partners; prayer for the practical challenges that you foresee in your morning.<\/p>\n

And then, an honest moment between you and your Creator: \u201cGod, I\u2019m having trouble believing<\/i> in you today.\u201d<\/p>\n

HOW CAN THIS BE?<\/p>\n

What? I\u2019m a minister<\/i>. I\u2019m not supposed to have doubts. Aren\u2019t I to be the very model of faith? The church looks to me to \u201chave it all together\u201d. How can I possibly take the platform today and lead God\u2019s people in worship?<\/p>\n

LET\u2019S BE HONEST<\/p>\n

Before we get all in a tizzy, let me say that I\u2019m not referring to an abandon all hope, gotta-leave-the-ministry loss of faith. I\u2019m referring to the moments when as intelligent, thoughtful, reasonable<\/i> human beings, we just can\u2019t seem to connect the dots that faith<\/i> requires of us. Or is this the very definition of faith?<\/p>\n

When we step back from the faith-culture in which we work and live, it\u2019s not hard to see that we believe in some pretty crazy stuff, right? Part the Red Sea? Virgin birth? Resurrection from the dead? Paul the Apostle warned us that \u201cthe cross is foolishness to those who are perishing\u201d (1 Cor. 1:18). Even as redeemed, transformed ministers<\/i> of the gospel of Jesus, we still have times when we slip back into that old nature. Doubt sneaks up on us.<\/p>\n

WHAT IF THEY FIND OUT I\u2019M STRUGGLING?<\/p>\n

It\u2019s embarrassing to have moments or seasons of doubt when you are a leader. Perhaps it\u2019s the idea of revealing ourselves in weakness that is just too raw. We want our peers, ministry associates and the people we lead to see us as strong, competent, mature \u2018believers\u2019<\/i>. If we reveal our weakness, we fear that the house of cards may crumble.<\/p>\n

AN INTEGRAL PART OF THE FAITH EXPERIENCE<\/p>\n

Good news: There are plenty of reassuring examples from scripture reminding us that doubt is all part of the package. As an occasional doubter myself, I\u2019m always glad to remember the story of the father of the possessed boy in Mark 9. When asking Jesus to cast the demon from his child, Jesus reminds him \u201call things are possible for one who believes\u201d (v.24), to which the man paradoxically replies, \u201cI believe; help my unbelief\u201d. There is no denial in the man\u2019s words; in full disclosure, he admits that his belief is a choice, even in the face of unbelief. Jesus heals the boy! It\u2019s reassuring to know that our belief and unbelief do in fact coexist, mysteriously sitting right alongside one another. Is it possible that there is only \u2018belief\u2019, and it is a sliding scale?<\/p>\n

A SAFE\u00a0ENVIRONMENT FOR DOUBT<\/p>\n

Of course we can\u2019t have this conversation without remembering the apostle Thomas, forever sealing his identity as the doubt poster-child. I say kudos to you, Thomas, bravely stepping forward, risking embarrassment, putting your own weak faith to the test. \u201cUnless I see in his hands the mark of the nails, and place my finger into the mark of the nails, and place my hand into his side, I will never believe.\u201d I would have done exactly the same. Jesus lovingly allows our doubting Thomas to inspect his wounds: \u201cPut your finger here, and see my hands; and put out your hand, and place it in my side. Do not disbelieve, but believe.\u201d Our Savior understands and is patient with us when we ask our questions, seek our answers, doubt our doubts.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m grateful to be able to work with a church family that recognizes doubt as a legitimate part of the faith experience. It\u2019s a safe place to bring \u201cWe believe!\u00a0 Help our unbelief\u201d into corporate worship.<\/p>\n

Musician, music educator and worship leader Michael Hill is Director of Worship Experience at Marin Covenant Church<\/a> in San Rafael, CA.\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n

Report This Post<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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