{"id":370,"date":"2010-11-19T22:38:19","date_gmt":"2010-11-19T22:38:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blogs.covchurch.org\/tajohnson\/?p=370"},"modified":"2011-01-30T07:01:28","modified_gmt":"2011-01-30T07:01:28","slug":"what-do-you-do-when","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/blogs.covchurch.org\/tajohnson\/2010\/11\/19\/what-do-you-do-when\/","title":{"rendered":"What Do You Do When&#8230;?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>What do you do when you sense conflict in a relationship? Why do you do what you do? I recently attended a seminar where this question was discussed in small groups.\u00a0 Listening to the other three members (Japanese) of my group, I had an \u201cAha!\u201d moment. My own default is probably some variety of fight (talk to the person about the issue less or more productively, hoping my viewpoint prevails) or flight (ignore and avoid), with a prayer thrown in for good measure. Yet these were the comments from my group:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cInvite the person out for a drink.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cFind something good about them and compliment them.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cTry to have lunch together and get to know them better.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Another member offered this recent experience. \u201cI felt stress recently with someone I work under and it was really bothering me, so I decided to try to get closer to them. I sent an email and asked if there was anything I could do to help with her work. She responded right away and now I don\u2019t feel tension with that person anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>My default responses focus on the problem. I want the problem to disappear, so I do my best to fix it. If that fails, I\u2019m embarrassed to admit that I try to make the person connected with the problem disappear from my life by avoiding them physically if possible, or emotionally if not.<\/p>\n<p>The approach of the Japanese members of this group aimed at strengthening the relationship, at times even ignoring or avoiding the problem. While I felt like saying, \u201cCan\u2019t you see the elephant in the middle of the room? What are you going to do about it?\u201d perhaps they realized that often problems aren\u2019t easily solved, and the relationship is what really matters, not the issue.<\/p>\n<p>Whatever approach we take to conflict is probably conditioned by models we experienced growing up and a background of rarely examined assumptions about reality, relationships, and conflict.\u00a0 So\u2026what do you do when you sense conflict in a relationship, and why?<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/54\/2010\/11\/The-Path-Of-Conflict.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-369\" title=\"The Path Of Conflict\" src=\"\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/54\/2010\/11\/The-Path-Of-Conflict.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"600\" height=\"258\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-report-this\"><a href=\"http:\/\/blogs.covchurch.org\/tajohnson?moderation_action=report_form&object_type=post&object_id=370&width=250&height=300\" class=\"thickbox\" title=\"Report This Post\">Report This Post<\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What do you do when you sense conflict in a relationship? Why do you do what you do? I recently attended a seminar where this question was discussed in small groups.\u00a0 Listening to the other three members (Japanese) of my group, I had an \u201cAha!\u201d moment. My own default is probably some variety of fight [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":75,"featured_media":374,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[28],"tags":[496,497],"class_list":["post-370","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-culture","tag-conflict","tag-conflict-resolution"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.3 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>What Do You Do When...? - matcha with me...<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"http:\/\/blogs.covchurch.org\/tajohnson\/2010\/11\/19\/what-do-you-do-when\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"What Do You Do When...? - matcha with me...\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"What do you do when you sense conflict in a relationship? Why do you do what you do? I recently attended a seminar where this question was discussed in small groups.\u00a0 Listening to the other three members (Japanese) of my group, I had an \u201cAha!\u201d moment. 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