By Don Meyer<\/p>\n
TULSA, OK (July 24, 2006) – How does a boy become a man?<\/p>\n
That question spawned an entirely new ministry outreach for folks at Redeemer Covenant Church here as they looked with dismay at the way in which today\u2019s culture suggests boys should become men.<\/p>\n
\u201cOur culture offers boys a view of what it means to become a man, and that view is not always a healthy one,\u201d says Evan Gundy, high school ministries assistant, who says peer pressure and an emphasis on alcohol, drugs and sex have distorted the view of a healthy male role model.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe wanted to develop benchmarks from a faith-based perspective,\u201d he says. \u201cThe concerns for boys go much deeper, involving their identity, especially their identity as men in Christ.\u201d<\/p>\n
![\"Gundy](\"http:\/\/old.covchurch.org\/uploads\/7P\/rU\/7PrUkCPTwOW8qgXokbnzKg\/Redeemer.jpg\")
Those concerns led Denise McKinney, director of student ministries at Redeemer, along with Gundy and a group of others in the church, to develop an interactive program \u2013 privately known as a \u201crite of passage\u201d – that pairs boys with their fathers and other male leaders in the church in a process of exploring what it means to evolve from a boy into manhood within a Christian context.<\/p>\n
The idea surfaced five years ago, according to McKinney. \u201cWe recognized that girls process the change into adulthood differently than boys do \u2013 girls process the small group experience differently. We wanted to reach the guys.\u201d Girls have milestone events, i.e. a group of girls chatting around a table and sharing with one another, she points out. \u201cIt is not so for guys \u2013 they are often more activity oriented.\u201d<\/p>\n
A number of Redeemer volunteers attended a seminar three years ago that focused on new ways to reach boys in the seventh and eighth grades. \u201cOur people came back excited to do something here \u2013 to give students mile markers in their faith,\u201d McKinney relates.<\/p>\n
Self-identity is only one of the challenges facing boys going through this transition into adulthood, both McKinney and Gundy point out. Finding ways to keep boys and their dads connected and involved in each other\u2019s lives is another.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe people we interact with lead busy lives,\u201d McKinney says in assessing Redeemer\u2019s 900-attender congregation. \u201cDads often work 80 hours a week. Kids may not necessarily have a good role model. And some kids have dads who never knew what a good father relationship was like. So, how can they help their son to understand what a good father image looks like? We also have many blended families and broken homes. For many kids, it\u2019s a crazy and mixed up experience. There simply are fewer positive role models in the culture today.\u201d<\/p>\n
Gundy believes creating a positive picture of what a good male role model looks like is more effective than reacting to and focusing on the negative aspects of the culture surrounding these young men. A committee was formed to review and evaluate materials assembled by Mike King, who used to occupy Gundy\u2019s position. King currently serves on staff as an interim youth pastor while working on an M.Div. degree.<\/p>\n
Four key characteristics and statements defining a good male role model emerged from the evaluative process:<\/p>\n
The fourth characteristic \u2013 accepting the greater reward \u2013 suggests the Christian man will reject what the world offers, recognizing there is a higher calling in response to the invitation by Jesus and his sacrifice for us \u2013 a calling that requires a life of grace, mercy and obedience.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe world offers lots of stuff,\u201d Gundy observes. \u201cThese young men need to learn that the greater reward will be received when we reach heaven, and they need to understand the importance of living their lives toward that goal.\u201d<\/p>\n
The program developed to reach the young men and their fathers is known by the intriguing acronym GORE \u2013 Guys Only Retreat \u2013 and is intentionally shrouded in a veil of mystery. \u201cWe like the sense of mystery so that the young men experience things they didn\u2019t expect,\u201d McKinney explains.<\/p>\n
The invitation to GORE comes via a DVD, often left by cooperative parents on top of a bed or nightstand. About 20 seconds in length, it features a walk through the woods with scripture appearing and punctuated by intense music. It does not issue the invitation directly; rather, it gives a sense of the experience and whets the appetite. Parents agree up front to be intensely involved in the process if their child chooses to become involved.<\/p>\n
The most recent weekend activity began with a paintball competition. The boys were \u201cdropped off\u201d at the activity center only to discover that the dads stayed around. In fact, the dads and sons eventually were divided into two competing teams \u2013 yes, dads versus the lads \u2013 for spirited competition. \u201cWe had them going in, but then fatigue set in,\u201d Gundy recalls with a smile. For kids without a father, another significant male role model in their lives joins with them.<\/p>\n
The Saturday afternoon paintball competition is designed to get the dads and sons involved in fun activity \u2013 but no serious dialogue. \u201cIt can\u2019t be heavy or intense up front if we are to keep them engaged,\u201d Gundy says.<\/p>\n
The church rented a recreational camp for an overnight stay, and the group moved to that venue for the evening activities. When they arrived at the camp, the boys went with Gundy to play Frisbee while the dads met with several male leaders from the church who talked about what it means to be dads who nurture their sons to become men of God. Following that time, the dads and sons reconvened for a spirited game of football.<\/p>\n
One question centered on the amount of playtime to include, McKinney notes, but we quickly realized that quality time together is just what dads and sons need.<\/p>\n
The camp includes a small lake with a pathway around it. There were three natural stopping points along the path \u2013 a dock, a place with three wooden crosses in place, and a small canyon overlooking a valley littered with debris. It was decided to use the stopping points to focus on the first three of the characteristics of Christian men.<\/p>\n
Men from the church were selected to address the characteristics. They were paired \u2013 one older and one younger. One spoke about a given characteristic from a biblical perspective \u2013 how did Jesus model that particular truth? The other spoke from personal experience, offering an example from their life experience.<\/p>\n
The pairs went in advance to each of the stopping points. The dads and sons then began their trek around the pathway, remaining for 20 minutes or so at each stopping point to hear the presentations and converse. The entire group eventually ended up back at the building that would serve as their overnight accommodations where senior pastor Peter McKecknie addressed the fourth characteristic dealing with greater rewards.<\/p>\n
The room was set up around a central fireplace. On the fireplace mantel were nine Swiss Army knives, symbolizing a tool that could be used for both good and evil, or to help or to hinder. Each knife was inscribed with a statement in Greek: \u201cWhen I Became a Man.\u201d<\/p>\n
Each father then spoke and presented a knife to his son, symbolizing the handing off of responsibility to become a man to the son and embodying a commitment to lead as a man of God.<\/p>\n
The following morning \u2013 on Sunday \u2013 the group went to Redeemer Covenant where the senior pastor shared with the congregation what had transpired the evening before, challenging the congregation to affirm their commitment to support the dads and sons in this area of growth in their lives.<\/p>\n
The most important aspect of this, McKinney believes, is how the experience will affect the family life at home, helping all to understand how to have rapport that is honest. For the kids, they most likely will look to see how the experience changes the ways in which their father interacts with them, she suggests. For the dads, they likely will watch to see how the kids perceive themselves as men of God.<\/p>\n
It is too soon to determine the success of the effort, both agree. However, conversation has already started around the idea of developing a program for girls. \u201cWe\u2019re thinking they lack an adequate rite of passage, too,\u201d McKinney says. \u201cTheir issues are a bit different \u2013 issues of identity, self-esteem. The culture is all about the exterior \u2013 how they look, increased pressure to perform well in academics, athletics. They need healthy benchmarks, too.<\/p>\n
\u201cThese families live busy lives,\u201d McKinney continues. \u201cHow do kids receive a spiritual heritage from both mom and dad? Or, putting it another way, to know who they are, and whose they are? They belong to Christ.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe see the church as the facilitator in all of this,\u201d Gundy notes. \u201cThe hope is to help begin a process for families that will continue to grow throughout their lives. We are here to reinforce the family \u2013 not substitute for the family.\u201d<\/p>\n
To learn more about the program for boys or the development work on a program for girls, call Gundy at 918-269-9658 or email him at gundy@rcctulsa.org<\/a>.<\/p>\n Copyright \u00a9 2011 The Evangelical Covenant Church.<\/p>\n