The pastor of Salem Covenant Church in Washington, Connecticut, writes in his new book, The Honest to God Church, that congregations could better serve themselves and others if they lived with an approach to life that says, “I’m not okay, you’re not okay.”
“That has been a core concept for me,” Bixby said during an interview last week. “For me, it’s a very Covenant concept.”
Too frequently, he says, churches and their members live with the attitudes, “I’m okay, you’re not okay,” or “I’m okay, you’re okay.” Both approaches lead to bad care and evangelism, he added.
The former attitude leads to legalism without grace, and the latter has no need of grace, Bixby said. “Either approach puts parameters on God’s grace.
“I think this has huge implications for evangelism,” Bixby notes. By acknowledging common sin, Christians can build bridges, rather than put up obstacles. “Christians don’t want to put people on the defensive,” he added. At the same time, other Christians need to acknowledge that evangelism is needed.
Bixby points to 12-step groups as a model for his approach. “People have to admit that they have a problem,” he said. “They also have to have a safe place to do that.”
The church, he explains, should be a place where people are invited in as they are and are allowed to grow. Bixby says he knows that not everyone will agree with actions he has taken based upon his approach to ministry.
In one instance that Bixby references, an unmarried couple was allowed into membership. In another, Bixby writes of baptizing the infant of a woman whose own pastor would not do so because she was unmarried and living with the father. In both cases, the couples eventually married and involved themselves in the life of the church. Had he rejected either request, the people would have walked away from the church, he said.
At the suggestion of his editor, Bixby added an epilogue that focuses on how churches can deal with the issue of homosexuality. He offers no answers, but suggests the approach of “I’m not okay, you’re not okay” will benefit everyone.
Bixby began writing the book four years ago during a sabbatical and based it on 10 years of ministry at Salem Covenant. “During the first two weeks of my sabbatical, I wrote 200 pages. It just poured out of me,” he said.
The next four years were spent editing and finding a publisher. Eventually the Alban Institute, known for its church consulting work, agreed to publish the book.
Each chapter is followed with questions that can be used in small groups or Sunday school classes. The Honest to God Church can be purchased through the online Covenant Bookstore.
