Intergenerational: A necessary component of adult, youth and children’s ministries

You asked for the reader to share the joys and struggles of our intergenerational journey…. Well, I am happy to oblige! Perhaps my story can help another children’s minister who struggles with this as well.

I’ve had a nagging feeling that generational separation was not the way to “do” church ever since I heard Mark Holmen give a lecture at Willow’s Children’s Ministries conference way back in 09. With the support of my pastor, I made the decision to stop providing our midweek kid’s program, rationalizing that it really wasn’t effective as an outreach, and it was one more way that we separated kids from their parents. Since it had always had dedicated volunteers, we attempted to shift the energy and volunteer support of the midweek program to our Sunday morning children’s church program–the area where we really desired for there to be excellence in our programming. We went for whole-hour kid’s worship, assuming that there would be plenty of highly dedicated adults who were passionate about kids providing this ministry.

We severely miscalculated. Our volunteer support, not accustomed to serving kids on Sunday mornings, completely evaporated. Now I was left with a mediocre whole hour kid’s worship for 20 + kids and absolutely no volunteers. It was a low point…or so I thought.

Still listening to this nagging voice about intergenerational worship, I came up with the idea for Family Quest in October of 2010. A new midweek program that would involve every member of the family. We would come together for worship and bible study every Wednesday night. We had a great vision and what we thought was a fail-proof plan to offer a biblical parenting video for 20 minutes, then break into small group discussion that involved the kids. We started the year with a full sanctuary; people were excited. It didn’t take long for kids to vocalize their boredom, wondering why we weren’t doing it like before. Families began to drop out without explanation. We went from 16 families to 4 in about two months. A few parents even admitted to me that they didn’t want to have to argue with their kids to get them to come to church on Wednesday night so they just quit coming.

I knew now what a low point really was.

It was in January of 2011 that Steve came to our church to offer a seminar on spiritual parenting. I had such high hope that it would clarify my vision for Family Quest to our families, reinfusing them with a sense of responsibility for being the spiritual mentors for their own kids. A terrible snow storm wreaked havoc on our plans and very few families attended. I was left with an even larger burden than before that separating the generations for worship was hindering families, not serving them.

Unfortunately no leadership from my church attended so they couldn’t hear the message that I was hearing. I made a several attempts to share my feelings about intergenerational worship; even showed portions of the video we made of your presentation. But it was to no avail. Our worship leaders and our pastor were firm in their feelings about kids being separated during the worship hour. The truth is that they make good points for their positions and I remain divided on the best way to handle Sunday morning worship for the personality of our individual church. Divided but frustrated, nonetheless. And submissive. Determined to make the best of my situation, serving families to the best of my ability.

As winter turned to spring, Family Quest did not improve. I changed the content of the study from adult-centered to kid-centered but it was too late. What we had was basically a small group of the same 4 dedicated families and it seemed silly to continue meeting in the sanctuary. We ended it on schedule in April and it was very bitter for me, as I felt that my vision was either flawed, or was unpopular. Either way, very few of my friends, my church families, were served at all by it.

I hadn’t yet made a decision on whether or not to bang my head against a brick wall for another torturous year of Family Quest, when someone at church handed me the book “Think Orange” over the summer. My passion was renewed, as well as my assurance that intergenerational worship is not only good but necessary in passing faith down through the generations. Accepting the reality that our Sunday morning situation was not going to change, I dove into the Family Quest waters once again.

I still struggled with the bitter disappointments of the last year and devoted much time to thinking and praying on what I should do. I found myself asking the question, “Does anybody even care?” A very cynical question that I knew right way that God did not put into my heart. So I forced myself to put this thought aside and opened up my bible. Somehow I ended up in the Psalms. I didn’t quite know what I was looking for so I was just kind of scanning the pages with my eyes when I landed on a question of David’s that literally made my body run cold. Psalm 30:9 “What will you gain if I die, if I sink into the grave? Can my dust praise you? Can it tell of your faithfulness?”

A bold question for David to put before the Lord, with even a hint of sarcasm!! I sat there reading it over and over again, scared to ask God the same question, for fear of the answer I might get. I truly had a healthy fear of the Lord in that moment!

It was also in that moment that I knew what must be done…”You must read this book of instruction to all the people…men, women, and children…so they may hear this book of instruction and learn to fear the Lord your God and carefully obey all the terms of these instructions. Do this so that your children who have not known these instructions will hear them and will learn to fear the Lord your God. Do this as long as you live….” Deuteronomy 31:11-13

I couldn’t NOT give it another try.

Now, when I planned Family Quest the year before, I was very hesitant to write the curriculum, even at the suggestion of some parents who were a part of the planning. It was too overwhelming, I thought. I couldn’t write a lesson every Sunday (which I was already doing) AND every Wednesday. It was just too much. I searched desperately for a curriculum that I could buy that would satisfy the need of teaching to both kids and adults. It simply didn’t exist. And what we settled for failed dismally that prior year. I wasn’t yet convinced that I could write a curriculum for the upcoming year but I got out a piece of scrap paper anyway and began to jot things down that I wanted kids to know–things that I wanted parents to be TELLING be their kids.

Before long, I had an entire year’s worth (Sept-May) of curriculum material. The ideas very literally poured out my brain, unfettered, unrestrained. The main bible point of the whole year is that “God and His Word Can be Trusted.” Every month we learn a new aspect of this truth: Sept-God is the Creator and Sustainer of the universe; Oct-God is love even when I’m not lovable; Nov-God is good even when life is pain; Dec-God always keeps His promises; Jan-God is the perfect parent; Feb-God is in control no matter how much control we humans think we have; Mar-God’s way is the best way; Apr-God is real…and so is Satan; May-God gives us a choice to make.

Even despite severe bouts of discouragement and negativity on the part of parents who were disillusioned from their experience last year, I remained convinced that the ideas I presented came only from God and they must see the light of day. I implored them to give it a chance.

We had our first Family Quest meeting last Wednesday, September 14. It was phenomenal. Nearly every family in our church was represented. The hour flew by with art, song, a bible lesson, an activity, and a devotion. Kids and parents alike were ministered to. We finished the hour with a devotion that parents were instructed to do with their kids. As I walked through the room, listening to the faith conversations being had between parents and kids, my heart sang with thankfulness!

I hope to finish the story well as time goes on. The pressure is enormous to continue to provide lessons and activities that are fresh, fun, relevant, and enjoyable but it is a pressure that pushes me to do better work. And it is a pressure that I can invite others to share in as they become experts at passing along their faith knowledge.

I am happy to provide more details about Family Quest if it is so desired.