{"id":8154,"date":"2020-05-30T11:30:37","date_gmt":"2020-05-30T15:30:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blogs.covchurch.org\/delp\/?p=8154"},"modified":"2020-05-30T11:30:37","modified_gmt":"2020-05-30T15:30:37","slug":"reflections-from-quarantine-in-ecuador","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/blogs.covchurch.org\/delp\/?p=8154","title":{"rendered":"Reflections from Quarantine in Ecuador"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"I think this quarantine may be starting to get to me\u2026<\/p>\n

I am having trouble verbalizing my feelings right now which is unusual for me.\u00a0 I can usually put words to it easily and it just seems to flow.\u00a0 I can usually answer questions with no issues related to feelings.\u00a0 But today while listening to a sermon it is like I could not put any thoughts together. I don\u2019t know if I am sad or mad or frustrated.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know if I am grieving things without even really being able to name them.\u00a0 I don\u2019t even know if that makes sense, but knowing there are so many things lost and not even being able to take the time to name it seems so unhealthy.\u00a0 But the kids still need 24 hour attention so me taking the time to name something doesn\u2019t always take priority.\u00a0 I think sometimes even more I want my kids the be able to process through all they are feeling and experiencing.\u00a0 Saying goodbyes from a distance to people who have had a significant impact on their lives just makes me sad.\u00a0 But how does a 5 year old or 10 year old name those thing enough to be able to process them when I as a (well we don\u2019t need to name that age) has difficulty doing it?\u00a0 It is certainly true that there is no road map, no guide, no 10 or 12-step \u201chow-to\u201d to be able to navigate so many weeks without going anywhere,\u00a0 where your life is essentially put on hold.<\/p>\n

I have felt myself this week particularly drifting away from some of the things that had brought comfort.\u00a0 Listening to worship music is a constant in my life and I realized half way though this week that I really hadn\u2019t been listening to any.\u00a0 Maybe that is one reason I feel so crummy.\u00a0 I also realized I just needed to be in God\u2019s word.\u00a0 Saturating myself with it.\u00a0 I\u2019m just being real, sometimes after a day full of kids and school, it is just exhausting to think of anything else besides lounging in a chair to just veg. \u00a0Sometimes I think my mind can\u2019t handle one more thing to think about or one more problem to solve.\u00a0 It is easier to just kind of let it go and not let it think all that much.\u00a0 Am I right?\u00a0 I can\u2019t be the only one.\u00a0 Dealing with the feelings of all that is going on around us?\u00a0 That sounds exhausting and it sounds like something I really don\u2019t want to do.\u00a0 So, I think what I have been doing is ignoring it.\u00a0 Now that can\u2019t be good.\u00a0 Ignoring anything is bad, right?\u00a0 I tell my patients that all the time.\u00a0 Why did you wait so long to come have that checked out?\u00a0 How long have you been experiencing that (5 years) well, why now?\u00a0 I just figured it was time to know what was wrong.\u00a0 Well, that may be where I am right about now.\u00a0 I am not myself.\u00a0 I certainly hope I am just a different version right now.\u00a0 The version where a lot of what makes me who I am is not happening.\u00a0 That makes me sad.\u00a0 It\u2019s OK to say that, right? \u00a0I don\u2019t like not being able to do the things that make me, well, me.\u00a0 I want to serve.\u00a0 I want to help.\u00a0 I want to hug people so they know they are cared for.\u00a0 I want to cook with people and have coffee with people and just enjoy a conversation about, anything.<\/p>\n

I think I am also carrying a lot of junk.\u00a0 Worry, anxiety, all of those things.\u00a0 You know we weren\u2019t meant to do that?\u00a0 I think there are things I am worrying about that I don\u2019t even KNOW I am worrying about.\u00a0 Is that even possible?\u00a0 We also aren\u2019t meant to carry things alone.\u00a0 We are meant to share them and carry them together.\u00a0 That means being vulnerable.\u00a0 I think sometimes I feel so many people are carrying so many things that I don\u2019t want to give them one more thing.\u00a0 There are a lot of things at play in all of this.\u00a0 Admitting we don\u2019t have it all together.\u00a0 Being vulnerable to share intimate pieces of our failures and shortcomings.\u00a0 But God didn\u2019t design us to live in a state of worry and anxiety.\u00a0 I loved what I heard this morning from a pastor that God INVITES <\/em>us in 1 Peter to \u201ccast our anxiety on him\u201d because he cares.\u00a0 Maybe like me today, you just need to hear that somebody cares enough to want to take your anxiety.\u00a0 We truly don\u2019t HAVE to carry it.\u00a0 We can let it go.<\/p>\n

So in the midst of this time, maybe you are feeling somewhat how I am.\u00a0 Maybe you don\u2019t even KNOW how you are feeling.\u00a0 That can be unsettling, but the still small nudge you may be feeling is probably Christ drawing you close to himself.\u00a0 Not that you have to spend hours and hours reading the Bible.\u00a0 But take a minute or 2 and just BE in the presence of \u00a0the Lord.\u00a0 Cast you care on him.\u00a0 He can handle it.\u00a0 He was created to carry it so much more than we were.<\/p>\n

Report This Post<\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I think this quarantine may be starting to get to me\u2026 I am having trouble verbalizing my feelings right now which is unusual for me.\u00a0 I can usually put words to it easily and it just seems to flow.\u00a0 I can usually answer questions with no issues related to feelings.\u00a0 But today while listening to … Continue reading »<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4074],"tags":[24662],"class_list":["post-8154","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reflections","tag-reflections"],"yoast_head":"\nReflections from Quarantine in Ecuador - Delplog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/blogs.covchurch.org\/delp\/?p=8154\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Reflections from Quarantine in Ecuador - 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