I think everyone can agree – it\u2019s no fun being sick.\u00a0 I was sick for two weeks in February with a high fever and body aches due to a bacterial sinus infection.\u00a0 I felt miserable physically and what was even more frustrating for me – I had to cancel a few ministry activities.\u00a0 First, I had to cancel a trip to the Isthmus where Nils and I were going to do a marriage seminar at a Covenant church.\u00a0 But, what I really did not want to miss out on was the Hechos 29 (see here for past blog entry about this) retreat in Mexico City, where I was to facilitate three workshops and more importantly spend time with and encourage young leaders in the Mexican Covenant Church.\u00a0 I was praying, \u201cplease God just let me get better in time for the retreat\u201d.\u00a0 Well, God didn\u2019t answer my prayer as I had hoped.\u00a0 I was feeling much better than before, but the truth was I was still pretty weak, and in the end, we decided it was better I stay home and continue to rest.<\/p>\n
This was very hard for me to accept!\u00a0 I didn\u2019t realize how much I wanted to be at the retreat, until it was taken away from me.\u00a0 I did not react well.\u00a0 I cried.\u00a0 I got angry at God and others!\u00a0 I didn\u2019t treat my family very well.\u00a0 And, all the while, I tried to figure out why God would have allowed this, and more reluctantly I tried to believe maybe there was something I needed to learn through all of this.<\/p>\n
The truth is I didn\u2019t want to learn the lesson.\u00a0 I was too upset.\u00a0 But, as the days passed and I expressed my anger to God, I started to sense that there was some change that needed to take place in me.\u00a0 I realized that I often put my worth and my value in my ministry, in the things that I do, or accomplish, when God isn\u2019t looking for what I can do<\/em> for Him, but for how I can be<\/em> with Him. \u00a0I realized that sometimes I say yes to too many things and then what ends of losing out are my relationships, first with God, then with my family.<\/p>\n Through my sickness, I got back in touch with the longing of my heart is to be close to God, to know Him and be known by Him, and my desire to have more time to just play and be with my kids. \u00a0The lyrics of the Graham Kendrick song, Knowing you, Jesus<\/em>, come to mind…<\/p>\n Oh, to know the power of your Risen Life<\/p>\n And to know You in Your sufferings<\/p>\n To become like you in your death, my Lord<\/p>\n So with you to live and never die<\/p>\n Knowing you, Jesus, knowing you<\/p>\n There is no greater thing…<\/p>\n I shared with a friend about my sickness, struggle through it and what I was learning.\u00a0 She helped me see the connection of what I was experiencing and the Lenten season – that maybe God was calling me to take more time to be with Him and my family this Lent.\u00a0 Suddenly I saw that my schedule during Lent was more open than normal, and rather than feeling like I had to fill it with ministry activities I saw it as a blessing – an invitation to enjoy being with God and my family.<\/p>\n How is it going this Lent?\u00a0 It\u2019s going OK.\u00a0 There are always more activities on our schedule than we realize, like just the regular daily or weekly activities.\u00a0 However, I have been able to be more intentional about finding quiet times with God, playing with the boys, or reading Scripture together as a family. I\u2019ve had more time to rest.\u00a0 It has also been a little bit easier for me to enter into the suffering of those who are close to me during this Lenten season.<\/p>\n