\u201cFathers (and Mothers), do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord\u201d. \u00a0 Ephesians 6:4 (NLT)<\/p>\n
So, as we mentioned in our last update these last few weeks have involved a lot of travel for me and\/or Nils.\u00a0 We were apart on our 11th anniversary, but Nils had a wonderful trip with the Family Foundation directors to the Seattle area (I\u2019ll let him write about that in another entry).\u00a0 The day after he arrived I went to Mexico City for a few days and then one week later Nils left with a small work group from Harvest Ridge and the rest of the Oaxaca missionary team for the Isthmus, a region in Oaxaca state that is about 5 hours from Oaxaca City, and that is where he is as I write this entry.<\/p>\n
What have I been learning during these long stretches of being the only parent with two amazing, adorable, and sometimes difficult to handle young boys?\u00a0 I truly respect and admire single parents who do all the time what I\u2019ve been doing only a few weeks.\u00a0 I also realize how much I depend on Nils for help around the house and with the boys.\u00a0 I am so blessed to have a husband who loves me and his children and with whom I enjoy sharing the parenting responsibility.\u00a0 I am very thankful for the husband and father God has given us.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve also realized something ugly about myself.\u00a0 For a hint, reread the verse above.\u00a0 I have, of course, read this verse many times in my life. \u00a0But, usually my focus as been on the verses before this one about children, obey your parents…\u00a0 And, when I read the part about provoking anger I kind of just glanced at it and thought, no, thank God, I\u2019m not that<\/em> kind of a parent.<\/p>\n I\u2019m a pretty good parent.\u00a0 I had pretty good parents myself, so I learned decent habits for raising my children.\u00a0 I think this is about how I had been thinking of my parenting up until now, when I\u2019ve started to see some things in me I don\u2019t really like.<\/p>\n My boys are not perfect, but they are good boys.\u00a0 They usually listen and do as I ask, well, sometimes.\u00a0 But, when they don\u2019t and when they start talking back or ignoring me or whining a lot, that\u2019s when I realize I can get angry and want to control them.\u00a0 And, just like with other family members, I know how to push my boys’ buttons, which sets them off, and justifies my angry response back at them. \u00a0And, I\u2019ve realized that there\u2019s a part of me that wants them to feel what I feel, and that\u2019s where the provoking part comes in.\u00a0 Pretty ugly, huh?<\/p>\n For some reason, this happens more often when I am alone with them.\u00a0 I guess I don\u2019t have the back up in Nils when I recognize I may be losing it.\u00a0 So, this past week, it\u2019s like my eyes were finally opened up to this in me, and I felt awful.\u00a0 I felt like the world\u2019s worst mom, until, actually, I remembered the passage in Ephesians, and I looked it up.\u00a0 I read it and cried.\u00a0 Tears of sorrow and guilt, but also of being understood.\u00a0 God knows.\u00a0 He knows the ugly things we are capable of, and he warns us, in his word, in the life of Jesus, by his Holy Spirit at work in us, and he helps us see our great need for him.\u00a0 Because, you know what? \u00a0We can\u2019t do anything without him.\u00a0 Praise God that his mercies are new every morning, because there are some nights where I can\u2019t wait to start over the next day!\u00a0 Do you ever feel that way?<\/p>\n I like how Eugene Peterson puts the last part of this verse in The Message, \u201cTake them by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master\u201d.\u00a0 That is how I imagine the Father with me, taking me, lovingly, by the hand (oh, how I love holding my boys\u2019 hands, when they still let me!) and leading me in the way of the Master.<\/p>\n Lord, may it be so for me as your child and as a mother of two precious gifts from you.\u00a0 Amen.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n