{"id":1949,"date":"2015-06-30T02:56:09","date_gmt":"2015-06-30T02:56:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blogs.covchurch.org\/bge\/?p=1949"},"modified":"2015-06-30T02:56:09","modified_gmt":"2015-06-30T02:56:09","slug":"8-ways-men-can-advocate-for-womens-equality","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/blogs.covchurch.org\/bge\/2015\/06\/30\/8-ways-men-can-advocate-for-womens-equality\/","title":{"rendered":"8 Ways Men Can Advocate For Women\u2019s Equality"},"content":{"rendered":"

This post was originally published on May 22, 2015 by Kathy Escobar on her blog and printed in full below with her permission. Kathy is co-pastor of The Refuge, a faith community in North Denver. She describes herself as\u00a0most passionate about community, the marginalized, healing, spiritual transformation, equality, justice, \u201cchurch\u201d, relationships, diversity, and learning to love and be loved. You may link to her blog\u00a0here<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Yesterday I had the privilege of sharing on a panel alongside 4 other female pastors & leaders in a room filled with about 25 male pastors & leaders in Denver. Most everyone had evangelical roots, and while some pastored churches others were leading nonprofits and various ministries in town.<\/p>\n

There was only one purpose: to listen to what it was like to be a woman in ministry.<\/p>\n

We had told our stories several months before in a similar forum, but last time the number of women listening far outweighed the number of men. This time around, it was specifically for men and some dear friends worked extra hard to invite men to be part.<\/p>\n

I admit, I was a little edgy on the way there. It is so vulnerable to share our real stories, not knowing what the consequences might be. Even though I\u2019ve been an outspoken advocate for women\u2019s equality for many years, when the conversations are in a more intimate but also professional setting, there\u2019s more at risk.<\/p>\n

The thing that kept me going was remembering change won\u2019t happen unless we are willing to risk, to rock boats, to ruffle feathers, to disturb the status quo. Yeah, Well behaved women won\u2019t change the church.<\/p>\n

And it always seems like the way toward something new together comes from a weird combination of humility & openness & discomfort & vulnerability for everyone involved.<\/p>\n

While the agenda wasn\u2019t beyond listening, it was clear there was a desire for a lot of the men attending to learn how to become better advocates for women\u2019s equality.<\/p>\n

What does that tangibly look like? What helps heal the divide between men and women in the church? How can men better participate in healing the deep grooves of patriarchy? How can we become equals, true equals?<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve written so many posts about equality over the years; sometimes it feels like I\u2019m a broken record. Yet, yesterday I was reminded, yet again, that the path toward change will mean keeping the realities in front of us and working together\u2013both men and women\u2013to create a better way.<\/p>\n

We need each other on this one.<\/p>\n

We will need to educate, advocate, agitate (I love these three words together!)<\/p>\n

It will require all of us to put our hands and feet and hearts and egos and paychecks on the line to participate in creating a better reflection of the kingdom of God here and now.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s so possible. I see it every day in our little Refuge community. It\u2019s truly one of the prettiest things, a glimpse of the kingdom of heaven in such a simple, sometimes-hard-to-describe way. Men and women living, loving, leading, learning alongside each there as equals.<\/p>\n

One of the things I\u2019m most thankful for is the men who have risked a lot as advocates and leaders and friends. When I think of the list below, I think of them because I have seen them do this in all kinds of ways through the years.<\/p>\n

Here are 8 ways men can advocate for women\u2019s equality:<\/p>\n

1. Listen, listen, and listen some more. Yesterday made that even more clear to me. Stories change everything. It\u2019s so important to listen and not jump to solving and fixing and justifying or rationalizing or a host of other things that prevent true listening for understanding. There\u2019s nothing better than being heard.<\/p>\n

2. Cultivate friendship. The road to equality begins with friendship. Healthy redemptive friendships with women change everything. In a lot of circles, there\u2019s great resistance to cross-gender friendships, but to me, it\u2019s one of the most important ingredients for true advocacy and change. We play with our friends. Friends aren\u2019t over or under another. This will take practice but is foundational for true transformation.<\/p>\n

3. Speak up. When you see an injustice against women, say something. When you notice that women are missing at the table or in a certain conversation, bring it up. When you see or hear women being sexualized, be bold to call it out.<\/p>\n

4. Learn from other leaders who are cultivating equality and integrate their input. What are they learning? What has the cost been for them? What have the benefits been? What mistakes have they made along the way? What are some ideas they might have for your organization, church, or group? There are a lot of people who have been at this for a while and are glad to share their experience and encouragement.<\/p>\n

5. Re-consider the teams you are on. How balanced are they? Are they all men, or maybe all men with 1 or 2 women? How can you shift things to make room for greater balance? Building more balanced teams is an important step forward.<\/p>\n

6. Keep talking about power. But you can\u2019t just build teams without talking about power, too. Bring conversations about it into the light instead of keeping it underneath the surface. Process it. Honor it. Re-think it. Give it away. Help others discover that it\u2019s not like pie, there\u2019s plenty to go around.<\/p>\n

7. Prepare to pay a cost. There\u2019s a cost to equality, there just is. Power never shifts easily, and so you will hear things like \u201cthe church is being feminized\u201d or \u201c\u2026but the Bible says\u2026\u201d or \u201cthat donor\u2019s not too happy with that decision\u201d or \u201cwe\u2019re uncomfortable.\u201d It makes me think of Matthew 5:10 \u2013 Blessed are those who are persecuted for doing right, for the kingdom of heaven is theirs.<\/p>\n

8. Lead by example, not words. While it\u2019s great to talk about it, the truth is \u201cdoing it\u201d is the best way to advocate. Equality is a verb. Share the microphone, invite, submit, share, encourage, advocate, practice. Help others see men and women leading together as a normal, beautiful, natural part of life together.<\/p>\n

This is just a quick list off the top of my head today.<\/p>\n

What would you add?<\/p>\n

I also want to offer my deep & sincere thanks to all the men in my life who have been such great advocates, not just for me but for so many other women I know, too.<\/p>\n

You matter.<\/p>\n

Report This Post<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This post was originally published on May 22, 2015 by Kathy Escobar on her blog and printed in full below with her permission. Kathy is co-pastor of The Refuge, a faith community in North Denver. 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